Good Morning friends! Today I thought I’d get a little personal, ok a lot personal with you all and share how we opened up the communication lines and had “the talk” with our two oldest girls. We will be having more than one “talk” with them but this is the first one and probably the hardest. I have had a few friends already asking what we said, did we use any books, etc. so here is the nitty gritty, just for you!
The hubs and I have been meaning to have this conversation with the girls for a few months now but we’ve had company pretty much non-stop since Labor Day. With our oldest being in 5th grade and the second daughter in 4th grade, it seemed like an appropriate time to start having these types of talks. usually in 4th or 5th grade the public schools will present a video on puberty and possibly offer a course on sex ed. We also know that friends at school will sometimes be the first ones to give your kids the low down on sex and so we wanted to beat both of these systems and be the first ones to teach our children about puberty and sex. We wanted to set the stage for the next few years, letting the girls know they could talk to either mom or dad about anything at all, we would answer their questions and we are always here for them. The girls were also told they are not to tell anyone about this, not their friends or their younger sister. We told them that we are here to talk with or they can talk with each other about this. Hopefully they listen!
A few years ago in preparation for this, I bought a series of books from Christianbook.com called God’s Design for Sex Series. There are four books that you read through and the first three are pretty easy reads, the last one is a chapter book and covers many different topics and is more appropriate for tween or early teen years. We used one of these books very loosely last night and left it for both girls to read. We also had a handbook that a lady in our former church wrote as well which the hubs and I read through before we had this talk with our girls and it was nice to have the scriptural references to share with them as we talked.
So basically this is how it went down, hubs and I prayed in the kitchen together beforehand, I popped some popcorn and we went downstairs and all sat on our eldest daughter’s bed. We figured the basement was the best place because we didn’t want daughter #3 to hear any of this and being two floors away we knew she wouldn’t. My hubby actually did most of the talking at first and the girls were both very talkative as well. We laughed a lot and just tried to keep it from being too serious.
This is what we covered last night and I know not everyone will agree with how we presented this and that’s ok. So take it what is helpful and leave the rest. We opened by asking them if they knew what sex was. Thankfully, our daughters were very naive. As in, they knew nothing, at all about sex. They both thought it referred to if you are male or female and they thought it was a bad word but didn’t know why. So our conversation was starting at a very basic and introductory level. Thank you, Lord. Then we asked them if they knew how babies were made. How sweet, they both thought God just put a baby in there, kind of like Mary and Jesus. We then went on to tell them about a woman’s body and how the egg/uterus/period/ovulation thing works. Then we discussed boy parts and what they all do, including erections. We told them that sex is a gift from God to married people. (I know some ppl are going to disagree with us on this but this is what we believe). We then told them how the actual sexual intercourse takes place in very little detail but enough to get them the idea. (The look on the oldest daughter’s face when she realized what happens during sex was priceless! I wish I could’ve captured it on camera). We explained that this is how you get pregnant and that not all people are married when they do this. They did ask a lot of questions and were really curious about how the actual baby is formed in the womb. Our second daughter said she’s never having babies because it hurts too much.
We also have a book called “The Princess and the Kiss” which is another great book from Christianbook.com. The princess has one kiss and many men come to via for her kiss but only one man gets it when he marries the princess. We told them sex is like this, many men want it from you but only one man should be given that gift, hopefully on your wedding night. We discussed dating, adultery, sex before marriage and choosing a husband. Finally, we talked about puberty a little bit and how they are probably not going to agree with us as much in the next few years but we’ll weather through the teen years and that we love the no matter what happens. We are always here for them and they can talk with us anytime. The girls asked when we could do this again, lol!
The hubby and I were both really kind of nervous before we went down there but it was fun to hang out talking and laughing together. I think it was helpful starting this conversation with them as a team,mom and dad. We will decide on the next one if the hubs will be joining in on deeper talks with the kids but we wanted to let them know that we are both here, so whoever they feel more comfortable talking and asking questions with is fine. So that was our Friday night!
Have you had “the talk” with your kids? Did you parents have “the talk” with you? Did you have more than one discussion?