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Since deleting my social media apps in January, I have been super happy with my decision. Brain fog is clearing, the dopamine cravings are reducing and I can think clearly again. So it’s been encouraging that I feel like blogging again! Also the sense of relief, freedom and giving zero craps about the latest and greatest thing I need, whatever outrage or political hot topic of the hour, day or week, kitchen organizational hack or random doomscroll garbage being served up has been so good. I think everyone should take a good month or two off of social media and reassess if it’s really helping us to be better humans. Most people argue they can’t give up social media because it’s how they stay connected. But I would argue that it is actually causes a false sense of connection and disconnects us from real life.
I read the most interesting article yesterday. To summarize, this parent called his adult children every Sunday to connect with them. One day, he decided to stop calling and waited to see how long it would take for them to call him back. He said “modern communication has created an illusion of closeness. He talks about how seeing his kids’ lives on social media made him feel connected to them without having an actual connection. “We’ve somehow convinced ourselves that posting updates for hundreds of acquaintances is the same as calling the people who actually matter. It’s not. Watching your child’s life through a screen is like watching a movie about someone you used to know.The strange thing? They probably felt they were keeping in touch. After all, I could see everything they posted. Why call when Dad already knows what’s happening?”
He knew what they were doing even without talking to them. Leaving social media, I have realized I have no idea what’s going on in a lot of people’s lives because I’m not reading it in the newspaper of our day, aka Facebook or Instagram. I’ve told my husband his job is to let me know if there’s something I need to know is happening, whether that be in the world, our state, our city or with friends or family. I feel like I’m not connected with people which begs the real question, was I really connected to begin with? Social media gives us the illusion of connection. We post on socials as what I see it as, a lazy way to convey personal information to a lot of people without having to actually connect in real life. I am just as guilty of this as the next person. And really, I don’t think we are intentionally doing it so we don’t connect in real life. But it is robbing us of the opportunity for conversations and getting together. What is there to talk about over coffee if I post everything online? You don’t need to meet up with me because you’re all caught up on life.
While I may feel less connected with many people, what I have truly enjoyed since my social media sabbatical has been hearing from people via phone calls and texts. Phone calls seem to have gone to the wayside since texting came along. But I still love a phone call! More recently after removing myself from social medai, I love the surprise of “Oh, so and so is calling me.” It’s truly a delight to me when I see a name pop up that I normally wouldn’t have a phone conversation with. Social media makes it so easy to leave a quick heart, like or reply under a post or story. Nothing wrong with that, I always enjoyed reading and leaving comments on socials. But for some reason that phone call feels more intentional and personal, a little gift of their time. Someone is purposely taking time to reach out and converse with you, not for everyone else to consume but for your ears only. Not only do they have something to say but they also want to listen and hear from you. The conversation can go deeper and truly bring about that connection we all want and need. Which interestingly enough the definition for conversation is the ORAL exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions and ideas. It creates an opportunity for you to convey thoughts and feelings that you would not post on social media for just anyone to read.
And on the flip side, sometimes we say things online that we would not say to someone’s face in real life. It’s easy to be a keyboard warrior at times to spout out our frustrations and anger or fear about certain things. It’s so easy to do when there’s not a person sitting directly across from you that you disagree with. Again, I’ve been guilty of this myself more than a few times, sadly. When you’re staring into a screen, it is easy forget about humans, connection and conversation. And maybe that’s the point. There is no active listening, it’s a one-sided conversation that allows you to word vomit on others with no care for a true connection or conversation. You don’t want to listen but you certainly want be heard. The intention of venting is not to solve anything but to relieve our frustration. But we need those connections in real life that bring about conversations on topics we might not always see eye to eye on. To realize that the “other” side isn’t the enemy. It’s easy to find an echo chamber and surround yourself with people who think just like you, to feel justified in your thoughts and feelings, to dehumanize others and rally together against the common enemy, the other side. I would argue the true enemy is the division that social media has brought about in our world. I am positive that if we could have those in person conversations instead of typing words back and forth on a screen, there would be a lot less tension and division in our world. People would have a hard time saying what they say online to someone’s face when you can see the impact of your words on another person via their emotions, body language and facial expressions. And honestly, those conversations should be reserved for people that you already have a connection with in real life. Social media has allowed us to post our every thought, good, bad and ugly. Heck, you can even find a meme to post if you want to say something without really saying it. I would argue that not every one of your “friends” needs to know your views on XYZ. I don’t really want to know what everyone thinks about everything. It’s exhausting. As someone posted earlier, I don’t want to know what my dentist thinks about politics or many other things, that’s not why I go to the dentist.
Having 500 friends on social media seems normal but having 500 friends in real life would be impossible. I’ve been thinking about the words social media uses casually, friends and followers. Which if you think about it, 30 years ago you would never say “I was sharing photos of our recent trip with my followers.” What? I mean maybe if you were in a cult, you would say that. And you would never gather 500 of your closest “friends” at your home to show your vacation slide show photos with. But we have made it completely normal to make friendships so casual and impersonal while feeling like we know someone deeply without connecting. And again, I am so guilty of this! Even now, blogging is kind of like sharing your private journal with the world. Yet here I am. (More to come on that thought.) Our world feels very disjointed, most of us are desperately lonely yet we have 500 friends and followers online.
We have chosen the convenience of a screen over the inconvenience of real-life connection. Connecting in person is much harder than scrolling a news feed and feeling like you’ve caught up on with your friends without leaving your couch or saying a word. It will be inconvenient to keep your plans when it’s easier to just stay home. You will disagree on things, someone will say something that annoys you, you will get frustrated at their habits or something they did. But you will also share times of laughter, inside jokes, joy, sorrow, and memories made. There will be moments of deep connection over a cup of coffee, a simple walk or a playing your favorite game together. We all need that someone in our life to offer us a much-needed hug, words of support, a smile or maybe a phone call. We all need those friends we can call anytime day or night. Who will you call at 3am?
My hope is that the next generation will realize they don’t want to spend their life online or texting so phone calls will become cool again. Texting will be unc and social media will be cheugy. Sometimes I like to use these terms to give my kids the cringe. What I’m truly hoping is that the analog year isn’t a trend for 2026 but a turning of the tide for all of us to get back to living our lives and connecting in real life, not on a screen.
