Last week we shared our first Marriage Monday post. We included a link for the Five Love Languages quiz, if you didn’t get a chance to take the quiz, head over there and do it! Just a quick recap for those of you that haven’t read the book yet, the five love languages are listed below and you can click here to read a quick summary about them.
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
First off, can I tell you that I love taking quizes! How fun to find out something I should already know about myself. We first did the Five Love Languages a few years into our marriage and it was kind of nice to know more about myself and Alex, what fills our “love tanks” and how to fill them. My love languages are quality time and physical touch. I can tell you that gifts is not my love language, I don’t mind receiving a gift but I’d much rather spend a day hanging out, doing stuff. This also explains why I hate shopping for people’s birthdays and Christmas gifts, if you are my friend I’m sorry I suck at giving gifts, please forgive me. It makes me break out in hives actuallly. Alex is words of affirmation and quality time (Which is a new one), so to make him feel loved I just need to spend a lot of time with him telling him how great he his. Easy enough. Seriously though, knowing that by writing him a note or card, expressing my love and affirming him will fill his tank is super helpful where as maybe if I gave him a really nice watch or mowed the lawn for him it wouldn’t mean as much as my words do. If you haven’t taken the quiz in a while I am going to encourage you to take it again. Alex’s love languages did change, he used to be Acts of Service which is also not really on my radar. He thought doing the dishes for me would make me feel really happy and loved. While I am glad he does the dishes, it really did nothing for me, I me where as turning off the computer and watching a movie with me or going for a walk made my heart happy. Being able to tell him that acts of service wasn’t kicking it and then telling him what did do something for me helped us figure out how best to demonstrate love to each other. Thankfully he has also become a quality time person which makes it really easy for us, all we have to do is hang out together and we are both happy!
Yes, it is true, I have changed love languages it seems. I believe the book does mention that such a thing does naturally take place over a person’s life as their individual needs change. I can tell you that I still value acts of service a lot, but it’s just not my top two anymore. For me, I think the issue is that I SPEAK in Acts of Service very fluently (like doing the dishes as Ange mentioned) but I don’t always feel loved when Ange does acts of service towards me as much as I used to. Although I love when she takes time to make an awesome home-cooked meal or paints all the trim in our home a lovely white color, don’t get me wrong!!
And then there’s the whole words of affirmation thing. Yup, it’s a biggie with me. Hearing the words (or seeing them on a note or card) really does energize me and motivate me (I have even saved many of the cards that Ange has given me – which might also qualify me as a hoarder in Ange’s opinion!).
Even just a simple “thank you” means a lot when it comes from Ange. She has learned to put on this love language for me and tell me that she’s proud of me or that she likes when I do certain things for her, even though it doesn’t come to her naturally, as she mentioned. If I try to tell her how proud I am of her or say something nice about her she usually just flaps her hands in response and says “blah, blah, blah” – it just doesn’t do anything for her. Hence the whole “language” part, it’s really like we are speaking a different language to each other. But for quality time and physical touch, I can make her day by taking some time to rub her back, put lotion on her feet, and just talk with her. At least we do have the quality time thing in common, because we both really love just spending time together and living our lives together day in and day out.
Honey, look what I found on Pinterest tonight! The perfect way for us to spend EVERY waking minute together so we never have to be apart, like you said, “ we both really love just spending time together and living our lives together day in and day out!“
Aww, darling, it’s PERFECT! We can encourage one another, spend quality time together, and hold hands (physical touch) while we take care of our bidness. The love TANKS will really fill up (wink, wink, wink)
Actually, I will be emptying mine.
Ok, if we didn’t scare you off yet, I really hope that this will encourage you to pick up this book, take the quiz and take time to find out how best to love on your spouse and how your spouse can best love on you. The other thing I really like about this is that it applies to more than just your marriage, it works for your kids, your friends and maybe even your crazy family. No promises on the crazy family part though.
Next week we’ll be talking about making time for your marriage in this busy, hectic, overscheduled world we live in. For now though, we’d like to hear from you! Did you take the quiz? Did your spouse take the quiz? Were you surprised by the answers? Did you already know the answers? How are you or have you used the Five Love Languages in your marriage? Share with us!