Sometimes I wish that I liked to journal so I could go back and read events and seasons of my life, maybe I’d have better insight into how I ended up in the season I am in now. This is going to be a personal post, sharing of where I am right now, how I think some of this came to be, etc.
For a while now I’ve been feeling like my spiritual life is a desert, dry, barren, no water in sight, no joy, just barely surviving. Bitterness, unforgiveness and pride have taken over, they have been hiding in there for a while and finally they seem to have just taken over. I do not like this! I do not like the person I’ve become. Trying to get personal without getting too personal is hard when writing on a public blog but there have been relationships that have definitely headed south in recent years, attitudes that have developed and also just a whole lot of yuck. Relationships that need to be made right, need healing, need forgiveness and love. Attitudes that need to change and yuck that needs to be cleared out.
I have loved James MacDonald of Walk in the Word for many years now. He brings God’s word and truth in a real and challenging way, that’s what I like and what I need. The local radio station here does not play his broadcasts but thanks to the wonderful internet, I can listen to him anytime. While browsing his site I came across a book, Lord, Change my attitude before it’s too late. Whoa! I think he wrote this book just for me! How did he know? I threw it in my virtual cart and raced for the virtual check out. Three days later, it arrived on my doorstep.
I’ve been reading this book, a friend is reading this book at the same time, God’s been doing stuff, taking the proverbial scales off my eyes, chiseling off the hard, dark crusty shell covering my heart, shining His truth into my dark, hidden areas. It’s been a great jumping off point for me, I’m seeing much more clearly now, there is a lot of work to do, I know this now. I’m ready. I want to change.
Another thing that I’ve been contemplating and would be a change is this blog, blogging in general, blog reading, etc. Debating if maybe it’s time to hang up my blogging shoes, get off fb and just put the focus on things that are more important. Making my house comfortable, functional and relaxing is good but is it the best? I don’t know. I have had many discussions with my husband and even some other bloggers about this for the past few months and I don’t know what to do yet. Have you given up something you enjoyed because it brought out wrong attitudes or you simply knew that it was a time sucker and wasn’t the best way to spend your time?
There have been so many areas He’s been working on, Pride, Bitterness, Unforgiveness, Worldliness and Anxiety to name a few. While taking a bath I began to wonder if others are feeling this way, I know my friend is, we are journeying through this book together and it’s great to have someone to chat with, challenge me, laugh, yes, even cry with. Then I thought maybe I should just blog about it, put myself out there, see if anyone else wants to join me. So, I’m wondering, do you? Has your life been lacking joy? Are you feeling bitter, hurt, angry, sad? Want to journey with me in letting God do a work in our hearts? Changing our attitudes? Being shaped and molded to be more like Him? Because trust me, shaping myself has not worked out well, I look like a batch of dough that has been mistreated, all sticky, crusty in some spots, cracked, worn down and lumpy. I can’t promise it won’t be painful to be stretched, re-rolled and made into something better but I know it will be more than worth it! If this sounds like something you want to do, you can send me a private email if you like, fb me or comment below.